Saturday, November 25, 2006

Random Acts of Insanity (AKA Future me and the cable guy)

LA-B and I were out taking a stroll through our neighborhood testing out our new Baby Bjorn with Tenacious G this evening when I had the rare pleasure of glimpsing into my future. As we walked down the residential street in the heart of the San Fernando Valley we were struck by the sound coming from the yard of the house we were about to pass. Turning our attentions to a scene out of some David Lynch movie that will surely be made at some point we saw a woman hugging a man and saying "I love you. I love you." Seems simple enough, right? But wait, there's so much more. The woman wore a royal blue house dress cinched at the waist with a skinny white belt. Her feet were covered by a pair of navy blue ankle socks and light blue slippers. White doesn't begin to describe the color of her hair. It truly was absent of any color - shocking. If I had to guess I'd place her age somewhere between 78 and death. The man was considerably younger and taller than his presumed paramour. He looked to be Latino with close cropped hair. Sporting a white short sleeved collared shirt and crisp navy work pants, he held a piece of paper in his hand which was outstretched beyond the woman. She held him tightly and jumped up and down as she repeated her testament to this young man.

Was this a grandmother saying goodbye to her grandson after a surprise Thanksgiving visit? That's what I thought at first as I wrote their story in my head. But as we strolled what unfolded was a far more bizarre tale.

Her tiny body pressed against his and bounced with delight. But the feeling clearly wasn't mutual. There was a look on the man's face that I didn't see at first. It was discomfort. And the look on the woman's face - insanity.

Just as I noticed these new details, my attention was diverted back to the street where a car was turning the corner. There, parked just down from this house was a white van embossed with the "Time Warner Cable" logo.

A light went on in my head.

He's not her grandson, he's the cable guy and he's just fixed her cable. She's an 80 year old shut in and her cable went out leaving her totally alone without access to QVC's 72 hour holiday kickoff sale. This guy just reinstated her link to the outside world and she is showing her gratitude by squeezing the bejeezus out of him and professing her undying love.

Just as the story became clear to me in the here and now, I saw my own life flash before my eyes. That's me in 50 years. Long after LA-B has ridden off into the sunset and Tenacious G is on her world tour with Bono and the resurrected Pope John Paul II, I'll be hold up in a little house somewhere in the San Fernando Valley with only my 300 cats and cable tv to keep me company. God forbid the cable goes out. Heaven help us. Heaven help us. Indeed.


Blogger The Editor said...

I'll have you back in Fleaflicker before that happens!

3:23 PM, November 26, 2006  
Anonymous LA-B said...

wait - where am I in this scenario? That old lady looked like she could poison a husband or two...

4:43 PM, November 26, 2006  
Blogger -Dave said...

After reading your post I guess I'm odd when I hugged and kissed my cable guy the day we got the Sci Fi Channel.

4:36 PM, December 02, 2006  

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