Giant Sunglasses in The Rearview Mirror

I had a friend in highschool who wore big, giant sunglasses. That doesn't seem the slightest bit odd now. Those big "Jackie O" shades are all the rage now and everybody's wearing them. But back in the mid 80's it wasn't exactly popular. But she wore them. Or, at least in my memory she did. I think I have a picture of her wearing these big glasses while sitting at a folding card table with our friend Benji at a bake sale or car wash. So, that image sticks in my mind.

Now, this girl and I had a HUGE falling out. I have no real recollection as to the circumstances behind this falling out. But the impact is still there. She goes down in history as my one "enemy." We've all had friends come and go. We've all had fights with friends. But usually, you kiss and make up or move on and let bygones be bygones. With this chic, there was no doing either. I actually tried to apologize a year or so out of high school and my "sorry" was met with a beer bottle thrown against a brick wall and a dramatic monologue of "where were you when no one would sit with me at lunch?!?"

So, that was 20 years ago and we have moved way on and lost touch. She became an actress - an actual working actress who did soaps and some TV movies of the week. I became a TV producer. I recently learned that she lives in LA and actually teaches acting classes at a theatre that's across the street from a production company that I worked at for several years. How our paths never crossed at the Starbucks, I will never know.

But ever since I learned she was out here, I have had paranoid sightings of her in my rearview mirror. Just about every time I get in my car, I see a woman in my rearview mirror wearing giant dark sunglasses and I am convinced it is her. It's very strange. They obviously can't all be her - some are small Asian women, many are Hispanic, most are just random nondescript chics in big dark glasses. But I always wonder if it's her. And I always wonder what I would do if it really WAS her.

Would I slam on the breaks to get her attention? Would I speed up to get far far away from her? Or would I just keep driving and pretend it wasn't her at all?

until today, my answer would most likely be the third. But today, I got an email from another old friend - one whom I am happy to say I never fell out with. She had been googling long lost folks and came across some news that the girl in the big dark glasses was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Reading that news was like jumping into a blender. My emotions just spun and chopped and mixed all up. I have harbored hate for this girl for 20 years. But here she is living somewhere nearby me and she is going through this crappy thing and suddenly all that hate just went away and I just wanted to get in my car and start looking more closely at the girls in the rear view mirror.

I know there is nothing I can do for her. I think tracking her down and offering my condolences would do more harm than good. But maybe, just maybe letting go of that hate will send a little ripple into the atmosphere that might just do some good somehow.

Anyway, please think good thoughts for Amy when you read this. She's nothing if not a fighter but even The Champ can always use a little help now and then.