Is Tori Spelling Available?

I can't and won't go into too many details, but I will tell you this:

My boss received an email today from a generic gmail address. The email was written from the "voice" of a disgruntled member of his staff and included information that very few people are privy to. Currently, there are only 2 employees on his staff. I am one of them. He was very upset. He called and emailed me and the other employee asking which one of us wrote it. Neither one of us did. I swear. But someone did.

Still reeling from the hours of discussion about this email and who sent it and why they would send it and why they would write it as if one of us wrote it...I got a call from LA-B saying that Tenacious G's daycare had called to say she has a fever of 102 and we need to go get her. I packed up my stuff, put on my coat and went down to the parking lot to get in my car. But it wouldn't start. It was pouring rain, the parking guys are all standing around my car speaking to me in broken English trying to figure out what was wrong. For some reason, the car was stuck in reverse. It won't start unless it's in park and you can't switch gears unless it is running. Lose lose. So I call AAA.

While sitting in my dead car with rain pounding on my roof and worry pounding on my head, I looked up to the Heavens and said "really? What's next?"

Never look up to the Heavens and say "really? What's next?"

What was next was the AAA guy coming out, getting in my car, getting out of my car, opening the hood, looking in the mess of metal and tubes and wires, and telling me to get in the car.

"Ma'am, can you go ahead and turn the key?"

I did.

It started.

I scream "thank you Lord for triple A!"

I get out of the car and AAA dude is looking at me as if he has more to say.

"Ma'am. I don't know how to tell you this....but, someone has been tampering with your car."

He proceeds to tell me about some thing and how it was detached and that it doesn't just detach and that someone must have gone in there and detached it and I should be careful and be sure to go to the dealership and have them look at it and...be careful."

So, let's review. Someone sent an inflammatory email to my boss that appeared to be written by me and then, someone tampered with my car.

Um....please let it be known I want Tori Spelling to play me in the movie of the week of my life.

Wait, WHO is working here?

So, LA-B and I have crappy old linoleum in our bathroom. We used to have crappy old linoleum in our other bathroom, too. But when we found out that Tenacious G was coming LA-B ripped up the linoleum and laid down yummy tile.

I admit I have always been envious of that floor. But it took a full weekend if not more to lay down. And now that little G is here and running around, it's just too much time to devote to home improvement. So, we bit the bullet and hired someone to come in and do the work. He's a nice enough guy. A friend of mine found him down in "the hood." He is a deaf / mute named Louis. OK, that sounds crazy, right? My friend picked up some deaf/mute in south central and now he is her handyman. Wow, when I sit here looking at it I start to feel insane.

It's not like that. She went to a tile store near her church which happens to be near "the hood." She was going to tile her kitchen and bathrooms. While there buying tiles, she asked if they could recommend someone to do the work and they introduced her to Louis. He came that day and got right to work and did a great job. So, when we decided to do our master bathroom, I had her take me to the hood and introduce me to Louis.

Anyway, he came over, gave us a price and he was to come back today to do the work. He came back, all right, but he brought his 7 year old daughter with him. Hmmm. Strange. Did we talk about that?

So, now while Louis installs the tile in our bathroom, I am sitting here on the couch keeping an eye on his kid. Yep. I am essentially babysitting for the handyman. I can't really just go about my business because she is constantly talking to me and asking me questions and chasing the cats. I put in a DVD for her, but she seemed to get bored with it. I brought out a bunch of colored pencils so she could draw but she's done with that now. Um, this is strange, right? This is supposed to be my day off. I am supposed to be hanging out, playing with Tenacious G and doing my stuff. Instead, I am babysitting.

I think I am annoyed.